you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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