I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
