Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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