oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
