oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
