He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
