when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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