I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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