You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
