My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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