he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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