I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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