help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
