I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
