but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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