it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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