My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
