I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
