i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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