nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
