Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
