i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
40s are totally the cure
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
