i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
