i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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