she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
