So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
