VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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