you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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