Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
