My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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