theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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