hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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