Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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