Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
