Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
