My room smells like vodka and shame
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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