I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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