Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
