mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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