What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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