Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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