Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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