Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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