Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
