Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
