btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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