Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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