Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Boobs speak an international language.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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