is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
