Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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