Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
