there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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