I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
