At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
