I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
