I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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