sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
