Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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