D3 body, D1 cock
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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