you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
